Thursday, November 20, 2008

Princess

This has been a crazy week.  Actually, most of my weeks are crazy.  In my head, I just have this little range of craziness I use to "grade" the level of crazy for the week.  Like, surprising good- low crazy level, or the usual hectic crazy level, or the terrible pulling - my hair out- crazy level.  This week started out at the usual level and has since escalated to the pulling my hair out level.  Not good.  
As a side note, I decided that I will refer to my oldest daughter as Princess and my youngest as Precious.  They are terms of endearment and yet can also convey a certain amount of sarcasm giving the day/hour/moment.  I tend to have a sarcastic side on occasion. 
Princess is three years old and is quite the complex little girl.  I should back up a little...
We are approaching the three year mark of the day we got the call from the social worker telling us that we had been chosen as a possible adoptive family for Princess.  I truly believe I was in shock for weeks afterward.  I couldn't believe my wish, my dream was coming true.  We had battled with infertility for about a year and a half and had just the day before the phone call started the process leading up to an IVF.  I had mentally gotten myself ready for all of the drugs, appointments, tests, and high hopes that I knew would go along with the IVF.  We had done many unsuccessful months of various drugs and unsuccessful IUI.  I was at such a low point in my life.  It seemed like everyone around me- friends, family members, and every stranger I saw was pregnant.  Honest.  I would go to a store (or worse- the mall) and I swear everyone I saw was pregnant.  Or at least that is how it seemed to me.  What was wrong with me???  I went through the rollercoaster of emotions: hopeful, depressed, angry, downright annoyed.  I had to suck it up and congratulate those I knew who were pregnant upon hearing their news.  And to be honest, deep down inside, I really was happy for them.  I would never wish the pain and heartbreak of infertility on anyone.  I just couldn't understand why I wasn't able to get pregnant.  
So, when that phone call came, my head started to spin and didn't stop until....no wait, there are days I am still waiting for it to stop.  haha
We adopted Princess from the foster care system in our state.  We had taken the classes and gotten licensed during the previous year when we started to realize that getting pregnant to start a family might not happen.  Being adopted myself, I was very comfortable with the idea. And my husband (haven't really thought of a good code name for him yet...working on it though) really warmed up to the idea of adoption.  
It was a whirlwind process of adopting Princess.  She came with one TPR (termination of parental rights) in place and they were waiting for the other TPR to be done by a judge within a month or two of her placement with us.  We were assured that her case was a very low risk one just as we requested.  We weren't comfortable with any high risk cases.  My heart had been broken too many times by that hated pregnancy test stick.  I knew I could not handle having a child placed with us and then having it taken away.  
Looking back, knowing what I know now, I would have had a lot more questions for the social worker.  I would have read a lot of books.  I would have done a lot of things differently with Princess.  But I would never change our choice.  I would still jump at the chance to adopt such a blessing.  I thank God everyday for the gifts He has given me and she is at the top of my list.  
I meant for this post to be about Princess.  I think it ended up all over the place.  And my posts all seem to end up longer than I had intended them to be... oh well, I'm still new at this blogging thing.  I will write a future post all about my little girl, Princess. 

2 comments:

Debbie B said...

So glad to find your blog. Glad to get to know you a little.
I think that's wonderful that you have been in contact with your birth mother. And that you feel it such a blessing to your life.

My husband and I are considering foster-adopt next year and have had the same concerns of a child leaving after falling in love.

I still screw when I'm Ovulating said...

Thanks for blogging about this. I'm meeting with a social worker to find out more about foster adopt and would love to chat with you more. I've done 2 iui's , 2 ivf's, had two losses (one a baby boy at 20 weeks) and can't bear the thought of losing a child...but feel I might be called to foster adopt...you're an inspiration.